SUCH A TZIMMES!

With Rosh HaShana, the Days of Awe, the Days of Divine Judgment around the corner, my thoughts naturally turn to soul-searching, repentance and spiritual growth. And food. Special, festive traditional food, of course!

And nothing says Shana Tova uMetukah louder than tzimmes. This festive carrot-based dish has many forms and various versions and ingredients. I actually make two different kinds; one with meat, and one without. Apart from the meat, they are identical. I have vegetarian friends, what can I do.

Before we get to the tachliss (basics) of the recipe, let us ask ourselves…why tzimmes? And what does ‘tzimmes’ mean anyway?

It ‘s a Yiddish word for an Ashkenazi dish, and it probably comes from ‘tzim-ess’, or ‘for-eat’, which I think is a weird explanation, because all food is for eating; what makes a carrot casserole special? I don’t know. I do know, however, why we use carrots:

·      The Yiddish word for carrots, ‘mehren’, also means ‘to increase’. And New Year is all about wishing prosperity etc to others, so it’s a little Yiddish pun.

·      The Hebrew word for carrot, ‘gezer’, relates to the Hebrew word for ‘judgment’ or ‘edict’, namely, ‘gezerah’. So we are hoping for a good outcome of our judgment from on high. More wordplay.

·      The carrots, when cut into slices, resemble golden coins; there’s the prosperity theme again.

·      Carrots are sweet, especially in this dish which is honey-sweetened, and of course that is a RH theme; a sweet New Year.

Another use of the word ‘tzimmes’ in Yiddish idiom is a reference to a complicated issue; ‘All he had to do was make a short speech, but he went on and on and made such a tzimmes of it, I thought I would plotz.(explode)’. ‘It was supposed to be a simple job, but by the time he finished making a tzimmes with it, it was too hard to understand.’ Etc. This refers to the long cooking of the dish, and the preparation; but I don’t think the prep is that complicated. Of course, if you are preparing 6 kilos of carrots, like I did the other day, it does take a bit of time. You don’t have to make so much.

This recipe would be enough for 10-12 people as a side dish. I will start with the fleishig (meat) version.

You will need:

• ·      3-4 Tablespoons oil, to cover the bottom of a large pot
• ·      2 onions, peeled, halved and sliced thinly
• ·      2 kg/4 lbs carrots, peeled and sliced into discs
• ·      500g-1kg/ 1-2lbs top-rib (flanken), cut up into separate rib pieces (optional)
• ·      Pitted prunes, about 2 cups
• ·      3-4 cups of orange juice
• ·      ½- ¾ cup honey- depends how sweet you like things!
• ·      Salt and pepper to taste.
• 
  
• ·      A large saucepan with a lid.
•        Slotted spoon or tongs, and a wooden spoon for stirring.

Preheat oven to 140 C/300F, in other words, not too hot.

If you are using the meat, heat up the oil in the pot and brown the pieces on all sides, then remove with a slotted spoon or tongs and set aside.

Heat more oil in the same pot and toss in the onions, sautéing until soft but not brown, about 5 minutes.

Add the meat back into the pot and then toss in the carrots. Stir it all up.

Cover the pot and let this cook at low heat for about 10-15 minutes, stirring occasionally to avoid sticking to the bottom.

Then add the prunes, orange juice, honey, salt and pepper.

There should be enough liquid to just reach to the level of the carrots. You might need to add more juice or water. The prunes will suck it up. Stir it a few times.

Bring this all to the boil and then turn down the heat to a simmer (Hey! ‘Simmer’! ‘Tzimmes’! Sounds the same!). Cover.

At this stage, I place the whole pot into a slow oven and bake it for 3 hours. You can do it all on the stove top, but you do have to watch that it doesn’t catch on the bottom and burn; honey can burn easily.

After 3 hours, the meat should be soft. The carrots will definitely be soft, and the whole house will smell heavenly.

The vegetarian version leaves out the meat and needs less time in the oven, about 1.5 to 2 hours.

You can serve at once, or make it ahead of time and freeze it in portions. When it cools, the fat will form on the top and you can remove most of it if you want. It will last in the fridge for at least a week, preserved by the honey.

Even though the meaty version is quite hearty, it is still a side dish to other meat such as chicken or brisket, or whatever you wish to feature. Generally another starchy side is also served, like farfel or couscous or rice or kasha etc; up to you.

Variations:

You can use other vegetables as well as the carrots, such as sweet potatoes and parsnips. You can add apples if you like.

You can add cinnamon if you like that. Also dried apricots as well as or instead of the prunes. Raisins would also work.

I must say that my mother-in-law, who knows a thing or two about traditional festival foods, has her own way (which really is a gantza tzimmes), and includes a rich, tasty kneidel (dumpling), which is so full of schmaltz (chicken fat) and flour and salt that even SHE calls it ‘poison’ WHILE SHE IS ACTUALLY SERVING IT TO YOU. And it is so good, despite the warning, people want seconds.  I think of this as the tzimmes of the Old World; if you really want THAT recipe, I can get it from her.

Also, please note, with this as with most of my recipes, I have given you quantities as a guide, but really, you can play with it, it’s very forgiving.

So Shana Tova uMetukah! A happy and sweet New Year to all, a year of good health, prosperity and peace. (No poison.)

APOCALYPSE...NOW?

It is 13 years since the world shifted in its rotation. 13 years since the most heinous act of terrorism in the history of the world, and the worst attack taking place on US soil. Even Pearl Harbour, on that 'day of infamy', caused less loss of life -2,043 killed, 1,178 wounded, and technically not an act in wartime, as the US was not involved in WW2 until that point.
9/11 is a benchmark of terrorism. 2,977 innocents killed, 6,000 injured. I don't count the 19 scumbags of terrorists who were also killed. And it changed the world; not for the better.

So today we have the menace of ISIS - 20,000 lunatic blood-crazed Muslims sweeping across the land like the Cossacks or the Mongol hordes, and behaving exactly in the same medieval way. But we also have the meltdown of the whole area, and it got me thinking about the Apocalypse. I know, not very Jewish, being that the Four Horsemen are mention in the New Testament, but I read the papers and there I see Pestilence (Ebola), War (Syria etc), Famine (Africa? Egypt? Places that can't feed themselves?) and Death (in abundance). And that all looks pretty Apocalyptic- End of Days stuff to me. I guess I could say, pre-Moshiach times, where truth and lies are confused - just look at the whole Hamas-Israel Protective Edge conflict. Western idiots saying 'I am Hamas' and aligning themselves with this truly disgusting terrorist group, and casting Israel as the villain. It is unfathomable, the depth of ignorance, hatred and stupidity that leads people to think like this. Yet, seems to be pretty common! And then there's anti-Semitism, shedding its genteel veneer of political anti-Zionism and once again showing its  ugly face, complete with fangs.

I also couldn't help but notice how the 9/11 comparison was grabbed by the Gazans, after Israel destroyed a 12 story building which housed terror infrastructure, and of course, nobody was killed because I believe that the Israelis warned them that they were going to do this. But still! 'Our 9/11'!
Those Palestinians think nothing of appropriating all the world's suffering and making it their own. They are the victims of genocide! As Brigitte Gabriel says, the Israelis must be pretty poor at genocide, considering the 6-fold increase in the population of Gaza since 1967. They are suffering a 'holocaust'! Just as bad as what the Jews went through under the Nazis, which then of course equates the Israelis with the Nazis; it also creates a conundrum, because most of them don't believe that there was a Holocaust, and if they do, it was only a few Jews that died, so of course what they suffer is far worse! (Where are the Nuremberg Laws? Where are the death camps? Where are the gas chambers? Yet they suffer more than the Jews ever did.)
And now they have experienced 9/11. I'm waiting for their version of the Spanish Inquisition. And Chmielnicki and the murdering hordes- wait, that's Hamas itself! Murders its own people, like a snake eating its tail.
What a cesspit of evil is Gaza. Sure, blame Hamas, but the citizenry is pumped with hate and raised on incitement, and let's not forget Fatah and Abbas, the 'moderate'. Sure, real moderate.

Well, I hope the Moshiach comes and I hope he gets here soon, and I hope we don't have to go through all that apocalyptic stuff much longer.

And let us remember the 2,977 who were murdered, literally out of a clear, blue sky that terrible morning, 13 years ago. May their memories be blessed.

I pray for a happy, healthy, prosperous and peaceful New Year, for all the people of Israel and the rest of the world too.