Thursday, 11 September 2014


It is 13 years since the world shifted in its rotation. 13 years since the most heinous act of terrorism in the history of the world, and the worst attack taking place on US soil. Even Pearl Harbour, on that 'day of infamy', caused less loss of life -2,043 killed, 1,178 wounded, and technically not an act in wartime, as the US was not involved in WW2 until that point.
9/11 is a benchmark of terrorism. 2,977 innocents killed, 6,000 injured. I don't count the 19 scumbags of terrorists who were also killed. And it changed the world; not for the better.

So today we have the menace of ISIS - 20,000 lunatic blood-crazed Muslims sweeping across the land like the Cossacks or the Mongol hordes, and behaving exactly in the same medieval way. But we also have the meltdown of the whole area, and it got me thinking about the Apocalypse. I know, not very Jewish, being that the Four Horsemen are mention in the New Testament, but I read the papers and there I see Pestilence (Ebola), War (Syria etc), Famine (Africa? Egypt? Places that can't feed themselves?) and Death (in abundance). And that all looks pretty Apocalyptic- End of Days stuff to me. I guess I could say, pre-Moshiach times, where truth and lies are confused - just look at the whole Hamas-Israel Protective Edge conflict. Western idiots saying 'I am Hamas' and aligning themselves with this truly disgusting terrorist group, and casting Israel as the villain. It is unfathomable, the depth of ignorance, hatred and stupidity that leads people to think like this. Yet, seems to be pretty common! And then there's anti-Semitism, shedding its genteel veneer of political anti-Zionism and once again showing its  ugly face, complete with fangs.

I also couldn't help but notice how the 9/11 comparison was grabbed by the Gazans, after Israel destroyed a 12 story building which housed terror infrastructure, and of course, nobody was killed because I believe that the Israelis warned them that they were going to do this. But still! 'Our 9/11'!
Those Palestinians think nothing of appropriating all the world's suffering and making it their own. They are the victims of genocide! As Brigitte Gabriel says, the Israelis must be pretty poor at genocide, considering the 6-fold increase in the population of Gaza since 1967. They are suffering a 'holocaust'! Just as bad as what the Jews went through under the Nazis, which then of course equates the Israelis with the Nazis; it also creates a conundrum, because most of them don't believe that there was a Holocaust, and if they do, it was only a few Jews that died, so of course what they suffer is far worse! (Where are the Nuremberg Laws? Where are the death camps? Where are the gas chambers? Yet they suffer more than the Jews ever did.)
And now they have experienced 9/11. I'm waiting for their version of the Spanish Inquisition. And Chmielnicki and the murdering hordes- wait, that's Hamas itself! Murders its own people, like a snake eating its tail.
What a cesspit of evil is Gaza. Sure, blame Hamas, but the citizenry is pumped with hate and raised on incitement, and let's not forget Fatah and Abbas, the 'moderate'. Sure, real moderate.

Well, I hope the Moshiach comes and I hope he gets here soon, and I hope we don't have to go through all that apocalyptic stuff much longer.

And let us remember the 2,977 who were murdered, literally out of a clear, blue sky that terrible morning, 13 years ago. May their memories be blessed.

I pray for a happy, healthy, prosperous and peaceful New Year, for all the people of Israel and the rest of the world too.

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Dubai? No way.

I stopped flying Qantas for a few reasons, even though I am a fairly patriotic Australian and I love Australia and BBQs and kangaroos and footy- well, not so much the footy maybe.
I stopped flying Qantas to the US because I usually want to get to the East coast, and I could no longer take the LAX stopover. So you fly 14 hours and come of the plane only to stand in endless lines waiting to get bags, go through Customs where you are treated as if you were an Al Qaeda operative attempting to smuggle drugs, cash and bombs into the country, and then walk to the domestic terminal, check in the bags and pay overweight because it's a domestic flight and you have too much luggage, having come from the other side of the world with gifts for your grandchildren, or tons of clothes because you're going for a wedding or something, and then you have to endure 5 hours with your knees under your chin in a domestic sardine can, to be spewed out the other end, wrung out and shattered, hoping that your bags made it with you.
So I pay more and I fly Singapore Airlines. And they don't forget the Kosher food, which Qantas also tended to do.

And then I stopped flying Qantas to Europe (from where I would fly to Israel) because they made Dubai their hub. And I refuse to go to Dubai.

Dubai, Dubai, Dubai. There's a strong marketing campaign afoot. Dubai is pitching itself as this amazing shopping mecca (excuse the expression), with this crazy indoor ski slope and insane swimming pool setup (in a desert! Where ambient temperatures can be 55C! And all the water is desalinated seawater, and every litre costs more than a litre of petrol) and fun fun fun for the family. And the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world, which was one of the features in 'Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol'. So hello Hollywood! And they turn a blind eye to scantily clad Westerners, and you can get alcohol even though it's a Muslim country. Hey, let's go to Dubai and have a blast!

Except for the fact that Dubai was built and is continuing to be built by slave labour;
Bangladeshis and Indians and Filipinos and Ethiopians who are looking for a better life, a way to earn some money for a few years and then return to their families. They come to work in the endless construction that goes on, and the women come to work as nannies and housemaids for the Emiratis and the Expats. They pay a lot of money for a visa as a guest worker. They are promised good wages and good housing and good food and good hours; but when they arrive, they have their passports taken from them by the construction boss or the Madam of the family and end up at the complete mercy of their employers. The pay is never what is promised, the hours are terrible, housemaids are often physically abused, and the consulates don't care. Hundreds of workers a year get to return to their countries. In coffins.

Dubai is a con job. Dubai, with its smiling face of Sheik Mohammed al Maktoum, the absolute ruler of the place, is a place of sand and dust and smoke and mirrors. It built itself up originally with oil money, but the oil has run out and now it's about tourism and business. It pitches itself as an open minded place, open for business, open for everything. But it is ruled by medieval morals.

Where are the Human Rights organisations protesting the treatment of 'guest workers' who are in reality indentured trapped slaves? Oh, maybe they're at the soccer, in Qatar. Don't get me started on Qatar; it's Dubai times a thousand, and they at least actually do have oil wealth, which they are busy sponsoring global terrorism with, including of course, Hamas, whose 'leader', Khaled Meshaal is busy living it up in Doha while planning to build shopping malls. And now think of the frantic building going on for the FIFA world cup in 2022. (Although ISIS has threatened to bomb it. With Scud missiles. They must really hate the soccer.) And let's not forget Al Jazeera, Qatar's successful attempt to warp journalism. (Why do I not feel sorry for Peter Greste? Lie down with dogs, get up with fleas, do they not say? I'm sorry for his parents.)

That any Western democracy has any truck with these throwbacks to the Middle Ages and their sickening way of life is disgusting and disgraceful, and a testament to the power of Money. And that we hear no end of the whining of 'human rights' organisations, including the heinous UNHRC, about Israel killing babies in Gaza, lapping up every lie that Hamas throws at them even though time and time again it is proven that they inflate and distort the casualty figures, and we all know by now about Gazans used as human shields (although the New York Times still isn't convinced, despite the plethora of evidence); but it's always Israel who is the criminal. Yet these gross human rights abuses in the Emirates have been going on since the first guest workers arrived, and will continue as long as these places exist, because it's not as if the Emiratis could ever lift a finger for themselves anyway.

I, for one, will not be party to it. Even putting aside my natural lack of desire to ever set foot in any Muslim country, (although I have actually been in Jordan to visit Petra) until such time as Israel is allowed to live in peace and security, (when the Moshiach comes, it seems), even if I weren't a Zionist Jew, I would still refuse to ever transit in such a place if there were any other way possible.

Fortunately, there is always Singapore. Which is essentially a police state, I know, ruled by a benign despot. Or Hong Kong, run by a prime human rights abuser, China. Or Bangkok, which is undergoing some serious political turmoil. Oh well. Believe me, if I could travel to Israel by Kvitzas HaDerech, I would.

It's not a perfect world. But Dubai is a whole other level of evil.

Monday, 18 August 2014

Big Diet Things: Gluten, fructose and other misunderstood villains.

This is a true story, not a word of a lie:

Not long ago I entered a health food store looking for gluten flour. I use this to 'strengthen' flour for bread baking. 'Strong' flour, i.e. flour with a high gluten content, is better for baking bread as it results in a chewy, 'bready' texture rather than a 'cakey' texture. I'm sure you know what I mean.

I couldn't find any on the shelves, so I asked a slim, pale slip of a health food shop assistant if there was any in stock, and she said, 'Yes, we have a whole range of gluten-free flours, over there.' So I said, no thank you, I am actually after GLUTEN flour. She stared at me, uncomprehending, went even paler and retreated, horrified, stammering that she had to speak to the manager. I could see her whispering to several other employees, all of whom glanced at me and then resumed their feverish whispering. And then the manager came from out the back and was briefed of this bizarre request from this strange, plump, rosy-cheeked woman who was clearly mental. The manager laughed and calmed everyone down, saying 'Relax everyone! Gluten flour is used in bread baking, very common.' Then he came over to me and said that these youngsters had never heard of such a thing as actually seeking out gluten  because everybody is avoiding gluten, so they all panicked as they thought I was deranged.

Because it turns out that gluten is quite the bad boy these days. We all know about coeliac disease which is a kind of allergy to gluten, a protein found in wheat, rye and other grains. (Rice is usually OK, as is corn, buckwheat and quinoa.) It causes intestinal symptoms, intractable anaemias and generally makes the sufferer feel foul when untreated. It has a genetic component, thus runs in families, is associated with certain antibodies in the blood (but possessing these antibodies doesn't necessarily mean you have coeliac) and the gold standard of diagnosis is through small bowel biopsy which shows clear changes in the lining of the small intestine. But it can be tricky to diagnose:

'Coeliac disease affects on average approximately 1 in 70 Australians. However, approximately 80% currently remain undiagnosed. This means that approximately 330,000 Australians have coeliac disease but don’t yet know it.
More and more people are being diagnosed with coeliac disease. This is due to both better diagnosis rates and a true increase in the incidence of coeliac disease.' (Coeliac Australia) 
[I don't know if this is true or not, it seems a little excessive to me, but I guess Coeliac Australia should know what they are talking about]
A study from New Zealand found that gluten avoidance was five times more common than medically diagnosed coeliac disease. FIVE TIMES. (Maybe there's your missing 80% of undiagnosed coeliacs? Just a thought.)
Also, about 20% of Americans avoid gluten. Why? Probably they feel better not eating wheat.
Apparently there is a growing phenomenon of 'non-coeliac gluten sensitivity' which is, to say the least, controversial. 
The trouble is that many of the symptoms are similar to Irritable Bowel Syndrome, i.e., diarrhoea, constipation, abdominal bloating and pain. And until a few years ago, IBS was considered to be, well,  in the province of psychosomatic disorders, or functional disorders, or call it what you want but since there are no tests and the symptoms are largely subjective, you were considered a bit mental. As a doctor, back in the day when I was in General Practice, I confess doing a mental eye-roll when presented with IBS. And Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (I remember when it was called 'Yuppie Flu'). Talk about 'heart-sink' patients. And Fibromyalgia, G-d help us all. Some things gain 'legitimacy' when a blood test is actually found which does provide objective evidence. Not always. IBS (and CFS and FM) still is largely a diagnosis of exclusion, i.e., make sure you're not missing something really nasty like bowel cancer or something, and then just use the descriptive term- Irritable Bowel.
And yet: These people feel better off wheat/ gluten. So is it in their heads? Maybe it's not the gluten in the wheat, it's the fructose. And now we are on to the other Big Diet Thing now; everyone is fructose intolerant. Well, maybe it is common! There's a lot of confusion.
You know what is really common? Eating too much. That's common. You know what else? Eating processed crap and drinking soda. That's common too. I just saw the stupidest Diet Coke ad I have ever seen. Apparently it's not a real ad but a pregnancy announcement which is even more stupid. All I could think was, you're pregnant and you're drinking Diet Coke? Are you nuts? Diet Coke and sodas in general are The Devil's Piss as far as I am concerned. How can we look at the surge in diagnoses of learning disorders and autism spectrum disorders and ADHD and ignore that pregnant women are drinking this crap, and that there MIGHT be a connection? (OOH no, it's vaccines, right?)
You know what else is common? Eating disorders. Unfortunately I have seen these things, and they often go like this (I will compress 10 years of decline into a few sentences): I will no longer eat meat because I have a moral objection to eating anything that had a mother/has a face. So no fish either. And eggs. They are chicken abortions. I'll eat the whites. No, I won't. And dairy. Cows suffer so much. I'm vegan.  I eat healthy! I eat heaps of green veggies! I LOVE kale! Also I don't eat wheat, or rye or barley or oats- I'm gluten sensitive. And rice either. Oh, not gluten then. Or some special sensitivity. Or allergy. I don't eat carbs, they make me feel bloated. Or nuts. No nuts. Too much fat. Or legumes. They bloat me. I don't eat this, I don't eat that, and in the end all I eat is lettuce and broccoli. And kale. Covered in salt and spices because by now my tastebuds have gone numb because I am so mineral and protein and fat and everything deficient nothing is working anyway, least of all my starved brain.
I have seen this up close, and it's extreme and terrifying, and I think it's the tip of a disordered-eating iceberg. The rest of the iceberg is: I eat Paleo. I don't eat carbs. I'm vegetarian. I'm vegan. I'm non-coeliac gluten sensitive. Etcetera. (I'm not saying that every single vegetarian or vegan is mental, but I wonder about some.)
I'm not saying there is absolutely no such thing. Just as many cases of IBS have indeed been resolved by the FODMAP diet, and it seems that fructose does in fact have some bearing on symptoms, one day we will probably find some objective test for non-coeliac gluten sensitivity, and hurrah.
Meanwhile: Don't overeat. Don't eat too much stuff out of packets. Eat fish, eat vegetables. Eat a bit of what you fancy. And DON'T drink The Devil's Piss. Have some soda water with a bit of juice in it for a bit of cold fizz!
PS: My bread works very well, thanks for asking. I bake challah most weeks, usually half wholemeal, and I don't eat much of it. Everything in moderation. (Including moderation.)

Sunday, 17 August 2014

Enough, already. Really.

So much has been happening, and so much loss. From MH17 to Protective Edge, from Robin Williams to Lauren Bacall, even locally, 2 peers of mine who died suddenly leaving barely grown families. Too much sadness.
Tisha B'Av has passed, Moshiach didn't come- you may think me naive or deluded, but I actually do believe that Moshiach will come 'even though he tarries'. He has to come.
Anti-Semitism continues to rise, Hamas is still unbeaten, ISIS continues its rampage through the region.
Yesterday I read of 2 young women, Italian aid workers, who entered Syria via Turkey in order to help the suffering of the citizenry, and were abducted by IS terrorists. So it will be pretty much a miracle if they haven't been raped to death by now. The depravity of that bunch is beyond belief. They relish their evil, posting their own videos of battlefield executions and beheadings of fellow Muslims (well, according to them, Shiites aren't Muslim, so it's OK to murder them in cold blood and chuck their bodies into rivers or peg up their heads on stakes) and rape, murder, besiege and starve 40,000 Yazidis, including of course many women and children.

But in Belfast! The good citizenry find nothing better to do than swarm a local supermarket and remove all Israeli-sourced goods from shelves, in the name of BDS.
Talk about a meeting of morons. These people were shooting and murdering and blowing each other up five minute ago. They were bombing London. Both sides produced terrorists who perpetuated the senseless 'Hatfield and McCoy' style of tit-for-tat blood feuds that went on for decades. But NOW, they are big experts on geopolitics, especially the Arab-Israeli conflict and ESPECIALLY Hamas and Israel, and they are going to fix everything by boycotting Israeli goods. Like that makes any sense. AND what do they chant? 'Palestine will be free, from the river to the sea'. Which is of course, a call for genocide and the obliteration of Israel. So basically, the Irish involved know nothing; but they know how to be anti-Semites.

Where are the protestors against the ISIS thugs and murderers and child-killers? Well, that's all too hard isn't it. Let's go for the soft target; the only free democracy in the region.

I can't keep going on and on about this. The reason I haven't written much is that there is so much written about the Gaza conflict that by the time I finish reading all the opinions, which are never-ending, and all the comment threads, and responding in cyber-warrior fashion to anti-Israel crap, I have no time to actually write stuff myself. And surely everyone is sick of it.

I'm sick of it. I'm sick of this stupid Irish joke. I'm sick of BDS-holes. And I'm sure sick of anti-Semitism in all its forms.

Moshiach, hurry up already. Enough with the tarrying. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

The Smallest War Room of All

I confess, I spend too much time in the bathroom. On the loo, specifically. This was something that probably started when I had a bunch of little kids invading my every speck of personal space, using my body as a hangout and snack bar, not to mention overusing my role as general purveyor of food, entertainment and transport, sometimes 24/7. So where does one retreat in order to be away from the clamour and the needs of others? Where is there someplace private but not too far away, a place where there is peace but not so distant that I could respond in an instant to any cry of distress, like a superheroine, pulling up her tights in a microsecond? Right, you got it. (Although it would only be a few minutes before they started pounding on the door.)

Now the kids are grown and married and no longer noodging me in quite the same way, I guess I don't really need to retreat into the throne room, but there is a definite peaceful place there. And I can think. I can let the house phone go to voicemail. I can reflect on the state of the world.
AND I can be a cyber-warrior.

Yes, when I take my phone in to the loo with me, I do play Words with Friends. I do. And Scramble. Not as much, but I need the sound on to play well, and all the cheering ('Excellent!' 'Genius!') annoys my spouse no end, so it's only natural that I make myself scarce.

But what I really do a lot of is fight for Israel. My right thumb is powerful.

I am so horrified by the blatant open raw anti-Semitism that flies around cyberspace, I can't let it go. And it is a real education in the fact that being anti-Israel is actually exactly the same, but exactly, as being anti-Semitic. And in this I include many Jews; I'm looking at you, JVP (Jewish Voices for Peace). Martin Luther King Jr famously said that anti-Zionism was anti-Semitism, and he was right.
Every anti-Israel demonstration without exception, references Nazis and blood libels. There's really nothing more to say. If people can parade around with placards and banners displaying mockups of the Israeli flag with the Star replaced by a swastika, they are anti-Semites. Hitler didn't fight against Israel: his war was against the Jews. Ergo, any reference to Hitler in any forum pretending to be about feeling sorry for Palestinians, is actually raw, blatant anti-Semitism. The End. And anyone who marches with such folk while holding their own dumb placards ('Free Gaza!' Idiot, Israel withdrew in 2005, why don't you finish the sentence? 'Free Gaza- from Hamas!' would actually make sense.) is a fellow traveller and thus an anti-Semite too. Yes, Ms Lee Rhiannon, Greens senator for NSW, with your made-up surname, I'm talking about you, marching away there in Sydney, maybe no placard, but plenty of talk about Israel's war crimes. And all around you, swastikas and Holocaust references.

Today was the 17th of Tammuz, a fast day which commemorates the breaching of the walls of Jerusalem before the destruction of the Second Temple, and the beginning of the 3 weeks of mourning, culminating in the fast day of Tisha B'Av. These are sad and difficult times, and have been for 2,000 years. As I have said before, the recognition of these dates and the commemoration by fasting and mourning practices proves the deep and true link that the Jews have with Jerusalem; the mourning for the loss of Jewish sovereignty in the land of Israel, in Judea and Samaria, in Jerusalem, is real. It is not propaganda, it is not manufactured, and if every Jew knew this, then we would be united in our desire to be in Israel, with Israel, and not be like these self-hating idiots of the JVP, and other groups. We would not be parroting those phrases 'Occupied West Bank' and 'Arab East Jerusalem' and all those weasel words which undermine our sovereignty in Eretz Yisrael.

Words have power. And, here's the thing, if anyone was occupying Yehuda-Shomron, it was Jordan, (manufactured after the collapse of the Ottoman Empire by the British Mandate), which occupied it until 1967. Egypt occupied Gaza from 1948 until 1967; where were the cries of 'Free Gaza' then? Of course there weren't any, there was no Palestine and no Palestinians: there were Arabs and not that many. The population of Arabs rose in Israel from the minute Jews started buying land there in the 19th century; Arabs came from all over, for jobs and a better life in that backwater of the Ottoman Empire. And there was always a Jewish presence in Jerusalem, until the Jordanians came and kicked out the Jews in 1948. Suddenly it was 'Arab East Jerusalem', or better still, 'Historic Arab East Jerusalem', my arse. And let us not forget the pogrom in Hevron in 1929, where Arabs turned on their Jewish neighbours and killed 67 Jews. What 'occupation'? There was no Israel then; a Palestinian was a Jew who lived in Ottoman or British Palestine. My grandfather was a Palestinian.

I could go on and on about this stuff, I'm quite a bore. And I'm trying to educate a fence-sitter or a well-meaning ignoramus from time to time, because you can't educate an anti-Semite. A Hater will always find a reason to hate.
So I sit in a quiet, small room, my thumbs flying on my phone, trying to refute the egregious lies of the 'Palestinian Narrative', which have replaced historic truth in most people's minds, and frees some of them to spew the worst hate-speech and anti-Semitic slurs imaginable. Come to think of it, a toilet is the best seat in the house from which to be reading that shit.

At this time, as Operation 'Protective Edge' seems to be heading towards some sort of cease-fire, despite the persistence of Hamas' missile attacks, let us pray that Hashem will protect the People of Israel and the soldiers of the IDF who risk their lives to protect the people. We all want peace, but it's hard when the other side just wants Israel destroyed and all Jews killed, isn't it. Let this coming Tisha B'Av be transformed into a joyous Yom Tov, let there be a true and lasting peace brought by the coming of Moshiach Tzidkeinu, now.

Disclaimer: The above post was written on a laptop while seated at a desk. Germophobes have nothing to fear from reading it.

Monday, 30 June 2014

No Words

After all the outpourings of prayer and all the rallies of solidarity and all the hashtag campaigns, the bodies of the abducted Israeli teens, Eyal, Naftali and Gil-ad were discovered a few hour ago, buried under rocks in a field in Hevron. It turns out that they had been murdered shortly after they were taken, probably when the kidnappers panicked, thinking that Israeli security forces were on to them. Which they weren't.
So after all the initial celebrations among the Palestinians with the usual handing out of sweets etc, and the heinous little hand sign of three fingers signifying '3 Shalits' who would be used as pawns in a prisoner swap, it turned out that the moronic shithead kidnappers had actually burned their trump cards and have gone into hiding  (and I wouldn't be surprised if they, too, have been murdered for their cock-up, by more bastards as evil as themselves.)
And now the cybersphere is swamped by outpourings of grief and calls for justice and retribution. Oh, nothing from our good friend Obama, who  urges 'restraint' in the response from Israel. I mean, he hasn't yet even worked out what to do about the murder of a US ambassador and 2 embassy staff in Benghazi, so how do we expect him to give a shit about 3 Israeli Jews, even if one was also a US citizen? And the UN, with their description of the 3 'settlers' who were kidnapped and murdered; not teens, not school kids, but 'settlers' whose presence and life in the first place is unacceptable, so who cares that they were killed for being Jews.
At the same time, rockets fly from Gaza and detonate in Sderot, destroying property if not life, and sending the kids on their last day of school running yet again for the bomb shelters.
And Gazan rockets blow up, killing a 3 year old Arab girl in Gaza.
And Syrian fire kills an Arab Israeli boy at the Golan border. You won't have heard of any of this if you rely on mainstream media; it's just not newsworthy. Maybe the rock throwing Arab boy who was killed while in a mob taking on the IDF in Gaza might have made it to the news, of course giving the worst possible impression of the IDF and creating false moral equivalence between the deaths of Arab children raised with incitement against Jews their whole lives, and Israeli children trusting enough to hitchhike in their own country.
The icing on the cake is the threat from Hamas spokesman Sami Abu-Zuri, who threatens that if Israel retaliates (to the rocket fire from Gaza),  this would 'open the gates of Hell' on Israel.
These bastards are child-murderers who celebrate death, who rain missiles on civilians while hiding behind their own civilian populations, who openly and brazenly call for the death of all Jews and the destruction of Israel.
I think the 'gates of Hell' are already open. Bring it on, scum.
Israel lives. We have survived this long, we will survive.
While you all kill each other in Syria and establish a 'caliphate', while you rape and kidnap girls and burn churches, while you murder your own children, while you worship your death cult, Israel builds, Israel contributes, Israel seeks to make the world a better place.
One little ray of hope- Mohammed Zoabi, nephew of traitorous Balad MK Haneen Zoabi, calls himself a proud Zionist Israeli Arab Muslim who respects all religions and prophets and calls for peace and support of Israel, and is consequently at risk of being abducted to Gaza and murdered by Hamas himself. I wish this brave 16 year old well, and I hope he doesn't end up like three other teenagers did.
Am Yisrael Chai.

Monday, 23 June 2014

Post-wedding farewell

Well, it's over. The wedding of our last one, our mezinka, the Sheva broches, the whole New York shtick, and today we go home. 
The gown, the fancy sheitel, the heels, the Spanx, the special pearls, all to be retired for the foreseeable future THANK G-D. 
It was indeed a memorable day even though I almost wiped my memory with two - two!- margaritas drunk rather unwisely and too fast just before the chuppah. The combination of heat, dehydration, jetlag, fatigue and tequila almost did me in. I swear that's all I drank all night but 3 hours later, when it was time for me to give my speech, I could hardly stand upright. They had to search for me in the bathroom where I was drinking water and taking deep breaths and trying to clear my vision and resisting the urge to lie down on the tiled floor. I have never found a bathroom floor to be more inviting. And then  it was time for me to speak and there was no lectern or light and, being an old-fashioned girl, I had paper notes rather than a backlit iPad and I couldn't see them. So the bride had to shine a light onto the paper so I could refer to my notes- no way was I risking winging it. Well, I think I did ok in the end but I have cemented a reputation as a lush, I'm sure. Two cocktails a whole night! Unfair. 
It was a great night, people managed to have fun even though there was no dancing- yes, you read that right, no dancing- and I'm thinking that a lot of people were quite relieved not to be shuffling around on a hot squashy dance floor but it was a bit odd. It felt like a fund raising dinner at times. I had to suppress the urge to hand out pledge cards. 
Why no dancing? Cultural collide. My hard core Chabad husband is totally against mixed dancing at weddings and my son in law is freaked out by the thought of dancing with a pack of drunk sweaty men so that was that. And it was fine. 
My kids did, however, manage to cobble together a mezinka tantz, much to the bemusement of most people present, with floral crowns and an enormous garden broom because the cute little prop brooms had been left in the trunk of someone's car, but a broom is a broom I guess. Sweep out the house! All kids married! Praise the L-rd! OY, these customs, who thought them up?
There was a photo booth set up which entertained the crowd but somehow I missed out, and the photos ae hilarious. I wish I had been there! Although I was there, so that was my fault. Damn margaritas. 
I'm making it all about me here, sorry about that. Because the bride was beautiful and the couple was so happy and the families on both sides are delighted and a young Jewish couple start their lives together. Mazel tov! Mazel tov!
But I will never NEVER drink tequila again. This time I MEAN it.