WIPED.

When did the 'wipe' take over our lives?

Back in the day there was this thing in a plastic canister called 'Wet Ones' which could be used on the go to clean hands or faces or, if you risked it, babies' bottoms , because they could kind of spark off a decent nappy rash; they were a bit acidic or not acidic enough, or they had some preservative, something. Also the packaging meant that you could easily get tour finger stuck in the dispensing outlet, trying to pull out a recalcitrant sheet, and it wouldn't let go without gouging you, the cross cut pieces of plastic acting as finger trap.

Finally, there was the flat pack interleaved style of wipe, rather than the perforated joined ones which meant that, instead of pulling out an endless festoon of wipes, and then needing a third hand to detach one or two while holding a wriggly baby on the change table, one could just pull out one wipe at a time. Usually. And then the wipes got bigger and thicker and more de luxe, until we have today's offering which can not only gently clean a baby's delicate tushie, it can also spot clean food stains on ties or lapels, clean faces and hands, actually, clean almost anything.

But we don't need to use baby wipes to clean the house with because there are 1001 other kinds of wipes for home and personal use. It's gotten a little out of hand.

For example, in my toilet, there is one drawer with flushable adult tushie wipes for that oh-so-clean finish; and in another drawer, I have flushable toilet cleaning wipes, just to touch up the porcelain between cleans. DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT confuse the two. That's why I keep them in separate drawers; you do not want White King on your delicate areas.

In my bathroom I also have make-up removing wipes, which do speed up the night time facial routine but you're a fool if you think that they really clean your skin, because all they do is take off most of the makeup; if you want clean, toned and moisturised skin, then that takes a bit more effort, ladies. Sorry.

In my laundry are antibacterial wipes, Gd knows what for, as if there isn't enough chemical residue on kitchen surfaces; stainless steel cleaning wipes (they don't work); leather cleaning wipes (ditto) and glass cleaning wipes which claim to be streak-free! (they're not). Clearly this foursome won't be replaced when they run out/dry out from lack of use.

I've seen wipes for little faces, little hands and little eyes. I've certainly used my share of 'moist towelettes' on planes.

And I have also seen the most useless invention ever created: the baby wipes warmer. So babykins doesn't get a chill when you clean her bot-bot. This is up there with knee protectors for crawling infants as a symbol of how clinically anxious parents are creating a generation of namby-pamby kids who will have no tolerance for any level of physical and mental discomfort, and eventually will out-anxious their parents. Not to mention, it's another way to make money off new parents.

I think it's time to reclaim the 'Damp Cloth' aka 'Shmatta'.
Think about it! A cloth, e.g., old torn up T-shirt or flannel nappy (remember those?) dampened with warm water is actually very effective in cleaning little kids' faces and hands! If you keep one end dry, then you can use that to dry said body parts after! Revolution.

And a Shmatta is great for wiping down porcelain, kitchen surfaces, high chairs, you name it. You can use plain water! Or some sort of mild cleaning spray! You don't need 'antibacterial' products because they are actually counter-productive. If you kill '99% of germs' that means that you are leaving 1% of the real tough buggers alive, and they will reproduce, and through a process of selection, over time you will eventually create Super Germ. You are much better off just washing your hands and things with soapy water and rinsing and drying. Bacteria can't grow on dry surfaces.

I will, however, concede as to the vast superiority of the modern baby wipe for cleaning poo-ey baby bums, especially when on the go. I think we will keep those. And the adult tushie wipes. (Although they probably aren't so great for the environment, but that's a whole other topic.) But it's either those, or everyone gets bidets. And that won't happen.

But apart from that, maybe it's time to wipe the wipes?