OPRAH, OY.

I’ve been looking at little snippets of Oprah’s foray into the ‘hidden culture’ of Hasidism in Brooklyn.  Actually, for Hasidim, read, mainly Lubavitch Chabad hasidim, and for Brooklyn, read Crown Heights, with a smidge of Boro Park and Williamsburg thrown in for background shots. Actually, throw in a few Satmar and Belzer for atmosphere in the opening credits. Nothing like a funny hat to make for good TV.

I don’t know why Oprah decided to venture into this very unhidden Hidden World, and overall, I guess it looks pretty positive; only a few things made me cringe. That’s not bad! I think ‘the Hasidim’ turned out looking OK, if a little hard to believe. I guess I would feel something similar if I were Amish and watched a program about the Anabaptists, with Amish portrayed as representing Mennonites as well as Amish. But if I were Amish I wouldn’t be watching TV or computers, so it’s a bit theoretical.

And it’s nice, among all the awful dreck which has been going on about sex offenders and paedophiles, not to mention the horrific case of Leiby Kleisky z”l, to see that the Hasidim are nice folk.

We meet a Chabad couple, expecting their 10^th child, besha’ah tova, who give us a bit of background about marital relationships, the role of women, attitudes toward non-Jews, philosophy of education, raising kids to be good citizens etc, in the background of a neat modest home full of books- sforim as far as I could discern- and Tzedaka boxes and shofars on the mantelpiece and pictures of the Rebbe on the walls. We join them around the table for a ‘typical Jewish meal’ of gefilte fish and chicken soup and kugel. We hear how NONE of these 9 children has EVER seen a TV; even the eldest, about 15, neither knows nor cares about TV; it’s ‘a box? Where people talk?’ Everyone, to the smallest child, has a purpose in life; to make the world a better place. Oprah is blown away; so am I! I mean, who eats gefilte fish and kugel on a week night?? For Pete’s sake.

Then she meets a BLACK hassidic family; again she is gobsmacked. So Dina’s Jewish mom had a relationship with a handsome black trumpeter (and how I would LOVE to hear the details of THAT story) and had a black Jewish baby who was raised in a Jewish house by her Jewish mother and grandmother; and then Dina grew up, but we don’t see who she married, and had 2 children; and Dina, seeking truth and purpose, became ‘hasidic’. We see her attractive son, who professes a love for his Judaism, but he don’t look hasidic to me; he looks like a really cool dude, no payess, cropped hair, some sort of facial hair which may or may not look like a trimmed goatee; and her pretty, be-shaytelled daughter with her white hasidic husband, to whom colour was not even anything to notice or remark upon. I mean, he was a bit short and plump and not very good-looking, but nice fellow, great personality, I’m sure. So Oprah marvels! In the Hasidic world, colour isn’t an issue?! No, no, not at all! she is assured. (I think I got all that, I might have missed something when I was laughing and I fell off my chair.) The ones with a problem about this family’s being black and Jewish are the Black folks. Well, THAT, I believe.

And then I saw a bit where Shterna, Chaya, Toby and Brocha with 32 children between them, while chatting about raising children and mikvah and the role of ‘Hasidic’women etc, were asked by Oprah a pretty simple question: How would you deal with a child who was different? ‘And by different, I mean… gay?’

At first, I thought I could hear crickets chirping in the silence that ensued. The women were really trying to think what they could possibly say. Nobody knew of any gay people in the community, nobody knew anyone who had to leave because they didn’t fit in. One thought it was an extreme sort of difference. Another said that she would love her child through any sort of ‘difference’ and that they acknowledge that homosexuality exists, but anyone who was gay would not be broadcasting it. Only 2 minutes of tape, so not exactly in-depth. So really, there is not much to comment on here.

Because we all know that gays are everywhere and there is no place for them in conservative societies, Hasidic included. The Torah is quite clear about this; male homosexuality specifically. But a recent declaration from Orthodox Rabbis goes as far as to say that, as G-d is good, He would not create a problem without a cure and therefore, gays are obligated to seek treatment.

I have a couple of things to say about this. Firstly, who gives this treatment? What modern-day trained psychologist would actually believe that homosexuality is an illness which can be treated? So, it is very unlikely that these therapists, whoever they are, are trained.

Secondly, although I don’t dispute that G-d is good, there is a lot of shit that happens which is inexplicable. Babies die of leukemia and roofs fall in and crush people and terrorist bombs blow up innocent families, and where is the ‘cure’ for this? Where was the ‘cure’ for the Holocaust? So if a person is born gay, is there really a ‘cure’? And what if doesn’t work, like the chemotherapy for the baby’s leukemia?

Thirdly, how many gay people in the history of the world have been ‘cured’? Oh, many struggle, and may remain celibate or marry against their inclinations. Is that a ‘cure’? And would you want your son or daughter to marry such a person, struggling with his or her sexual orientation, even though they may be noble and wonderful people? And many suffer their whole lives from public and private humiliation, and many commit suicide. And some just walk away from their birth culture and live openly as gays. But not too many in Crown Heights or Williamsburg or Boro Park. Well, none that these women know.

Oprah really dropped a bomb with her ‘extreme’ question.

All we Orthodox can really do is ’hate the sin and love the sinner’. And admit that we have no answers.