I want to write. There is so much to write about ; so much happening; so many things I feel I need to comment on, elaborate on, explain, explore. But it's been weeks since I did anything but post comments on other people's work on Facebook.
Firstly, I was overseas, and I thought I could write on my phone; but that never happened because my phone, with its stupidly small memory (16 Gig iPhone 6 plus, don't even ask) didn't even want to take photos unless I made room by deleting half my apps. So nix on the blogging.
And then, there's all this other stuff that gets in the way of my creative life, like my children, all grown but still; and grandchildren; and husband (even on holiday it's always 'what are we doing for lunch? Dinner? What's the plan?' Make yourself a f***ing sandwich, you infantilised kitchen moron, I said to him NEVER.) And do you know what I will never, ever hear from him? Or anyone else? 'There you go, take a few uninterrupted hours to gather your thoughts and write. Unleash your creative wit! I'll take care of everything else, I'll answer the phone, I'll make sure you aren't interrupted every 5 minutes by other people's demands on you. Or my own.' That's NEVER going to happen. I know that.
(Right now, Sunday, I am sharing the study with my husband who has perfectly good earphones but still listens to music out loud, until I had to tell him to use the earphones or turn it off. I can't stand having music on while I work, especially some sucky crap that he was listening to. So blessed peace at last.)
And then the heartsink of it all. The state of the world, the murder of children, of innocents, by terrorist scum, and worse, the pretending that there's no specific anti-Semitism, or Islamism, it's just a bunch of criminal 'lone wolves' who all happen to be radicalised Muslims, all with the 'Allahu Akbar' and killing in the name of Islam. That the targeting of a kosher supermarket in a Jewish area of Paris by Muslim terrorists was not specifically anti-Semitic because Muslims also shop there. That the one Jewish woman killed in the Charlie Hebdo attack, among 13 men, was killed because she was a Jew; all the other women were spared, the killer even said that they don't kill women. So Jews being killed because they are Jews and THE WHOLE F***ING WORLD SHOULD STAND UP AND SAY 'THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN!' BUT THEY DON'T. They hem and haw and find excuses. And the pope, the POPE! Defending the actions of the murderers of the Charlie Hebdo staff because 'If you insult my mother, expect a punch.' WTF??? So it's OK to kill satirists? Or anyone who insults or mocks or jokes about your religion? You bastard, I was just starting to like you what with the breastfeeding thing and all.
There are many other writers who are far more knowledgeable and articulate than I am; the number of articles I have read and reposted, and I'm sure that you have all read, is enormous. So what am I going to write about; I'm not a politician or a historian or a social demographer or a government official. I'm just a heartsick, angry Jew.
I just got back from travels to visit children and grandchildren. 18 days in Israel, 4 days in New York, and then, 3 days in Berlin. The Berlin bit was tacked on even though it makes little sense geographically because our ticket had us going through Frankfurt on the way home, and we have a friend in Berlin, Rabbi Yudi Teichtal, who had been nudging us to come visit for a while. It was no big deal to go from Frankfurt to Berlin; arrive Thursday, tour Friday, Shabbat started early, 4pm, then spend the Friday night dinner and Shabbat lunch with the rabbi and rebbetzin, and then fly out Sunday morning. Originally we were going to tour Sunday as well and fly out Monday, but hubby and I looked at each other and thought that too much Germanness would make our Second Generation Holocaust survivor heads explode, and we took the get-out-early option.
So on Friday, we took in a lot of touring. We had a Jewish guide who was excellent, Monica Puginier. Unfortunately the weather was inclement, very wet and windy, so we were hopping in and out of the car quick smart, but we started at Platform 17 and then on to the Brandenburg Gate, Unter Den Linden, Checkpoint Charlie, remnants of the Wall (now protected by a fence! Ha!), the rebuilt Golden Dome Synagogue (I can't remember the official title but it must have been something to see before it was destroyed on Kristallnacht), the Holocaust Memorial with all the concrete blocks (stelae) and museum, the Topography of Terror museum (dedicated to the history and rise of the Nazis and SS- no artefacts and nothing that you couldn't learn from the book we bought) and the Jewish Museum.
The Jewish museum was interesting in that it documented over 1,000 years of Jewish life in Germany (hey, we aren't called Ashkenazim for nothing, and it's no coincidence that Yiddish is so similar to German), and there was also a special exhibit about Brit Milah (Circumcision) which was advertised so crassly that I was too offended to even look, apart from the fact that Shabbat was approaching and we were running out of time. The brochure had a picture of a circumcised banana with the caption 'Snip/it!' in English and something else in German. I could only surmise that the curator was not Jewish because I couldn't imagine a Jew taking that sort of flip approach to Brit Milah.
While we were at the Brandenburg Gate we saw the French Embassy in Unter den Linden; the tri-couleur flag was at half-mast- all the flags in the city were at half-mast- after the Charlie Hebdo massacre. There was a condolence book to sign and there were bouquets laid on the ground. And meanwhile, the Hyper-Cacher atrocity was being carried out.
A few hours later, the Rabbi picked us up and was telling us that his eldest son, a Yeshivah student in Brunoys, near Paris, had been stranded in Paris that afternoon, because the Metro had been shut down due to the terrorist attacks. He and his friends were trying to get back to the Yeshivah before Shabbat. He tried to flag down a taxi, but the cabs that stopped had Arab drivers and the boys were too scared to get in. Anyway, they managed to get back in time, much to the relief of the parents. And I reflected, what a strange day, when a Jew can feel safer in Berlin than in Paris.
As for our fear of Deutsche Freak-out Syndrome, it didn't happen. All the people we met were friendly and polite and nobody sounded like Hitler. We did stay at a fancy hotel (Kempinski Bristol- tiny bit of the Grand Hotel Budapest vibe, with the smartly liveried bellboys and excruciatingly helpful and polite concierge) and I tend to tip (even the Zimmer Madch left a little note saying 'Danke' - so I'm thinking I was tipping too much, but I don't care, a few extra euros won't make me poor and it won't make her rich, and I'm a one-per-center and whatever) so yes, everyone polite and friendly and also with the 'Shalom' and 'Boker tov', so in their minds all Jews are Hebrew speaking and might as well be Israeli. But all was well and the paranoia didn't get the better of me. After Shabbat we went with the Teichtals to a Schloss, talk about POINT one-percenters that used to own it, some nobility, with the high ceiling and huge fireplaces, oil paintings and damask wallpapers, ornate carvings and what-have-you, and we had drinks. We were greeted by an enormous liveried Aryan dude who shook the Rabbi's hand and bowed from the waist- I though he was going to click his heels and kiss my hand- and welcomed us warmly to the schloss, no irony detected, everyone is Rabbi T's friend, it seems! Amazing guy.
So Berlin was interesting. And Ms Angela Merkel is a good person. My kids are great. My grandchildren are adorable. But the world sucks.
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